Hard To Resist
by Dark Starfish
Summary: Something terrible happened to Hermione. She turns to cutting to help cope. Her self-esteem causes her to push her best friends and the person she loves, Ron, away. Draco discovers her secret first. Will he tell Ron and Harry before it is too late?
1. Keeping Secrets

**Disclaimer: **J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

**Hard to Resist**

_Chapter 1_

Keeping Secrets

* * *

Small droplets of blood fell into the rushing water. The brown haired girl sat on the toilet seat with tears in her eyes. She was exhausted and troubled with thoughts of something that had happened weeks ago.

"Just forget about it," she told herself, "Just forget it all."

"Hermione!" boomed a voice from outside the door, "Hurry up! I need to use the bathroom!"

Hermione cursed under her breath, grabbed her razor, and opened the door. She slowly slipped the thin razor into her back jean pocket and pulled her sleeve over her arm and wrist.

"What took you so long?" asked the red-haired boy standing in front of her. He never noticed her put something into her pocket.

"Nothing, Ron," she replied with her usual tone of voice.

Ron stared at her. She was so beautiful to him. She looked very cute also... just standing there.

"Ron?" he heard someone yell causing him to snap out of his thoughts.

"Huh?" He asked.

"I said 'excuse me'! You're in my way!" she snapped. Pulling her long sleeve over her wrist again to make sure it was covered.

"Oh!" he exclaimed, moving out of her way, "Sorry," he said as she walked past him and smiled.

Hermione heard the bathroom door close and breathed a sigh of relief. She had gotten away with it again for what seemed like the hundredth time. She had no idea what she would do if anyone found out about her dark secret let alone the cause of it. She continued to walk down the hall and back to the room she shared with Ginny. She needed to finish packing since she was leaving with the Weasleys and Harry for Hogwarts the next day. She had spent a good three weeks with the Weasleys and her friends at The Burrow. Now she was ready to go to yet another place of sanctuary.

The pain in her wrist was stinging as the sleeve threatened to creep up past it. She could not risk revealing it and quickly pulled the sleeve back down but she ended up accidentally grazing the fresh cuts with her fingernails. She grimaced in pain.

"Hey!" yelled out a long-haired redhead from the doorway.

"Oh, hey, Ginny," said Hermione, hiding her pain perfectly well. She had done this a lot already. If nobody had noticed by now then nobody ever will especially since Ginny had no idea and they had shared a room for the past three weeks. So there was really nothing to worry about.

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" asked Ginny knowing that Hermione's passion was school.

"Yeah, of course," said Hermione with a the same smile she had been using all summer.

Ginny looked at Hermione strangely as she saw her continue to pack her clothes into her trunk. She had been noticing that Hermione had been acting strangely lately and Ginny had no idea why. Perhaps it was the fact that Hermione had spent nearly a month with the Weasleys and she knew Hermione had had a crush on Ron for a while. Ginny figured that Hermione was upset over the fact that Ron had not asked her out yet even though they have spent all this time in the same house so close to each other.

"What's wrong, Mione?" questioned Ginny finally.

"Huh?" replied Hermione quickly shooting her eyes up at Ginny's face, "What do you mean?"

Ginny noticed Hermione's defensive tone and got slightly scared. What was wrong with her? Hermione never used to be like this and if there was anything wrong surely someone would know. Ginny knew if there was ever anything bothering her Hermione would always tell her. Throughout the years they have grown much closer since Hermione's best friends were two guys and Ginny was the only other girl among all of them. They have grown to become almost like sisters, so Ginny was upset that Hermione was obviously hiding something from her.

"I mean you've been acting really strange lately and I've given you plenty of time to tell me what has been going on with you but you haven't said anything. I'm just tired of you holding it in like this," explained the youngest Weasley.

Hermione was very quiet for a moment. There was no way she could tell Ginny what was wrong. She was afraid that she would never be looked at the same way again. She was a stupid, ugly, and disgusting girl and she could not bear it if anyone else knew the truth about her.

"Nothing is wrong, Ginny" she replied softly. The cuts on her wrist numbing slowly, "I'm all right. Perhaps you're just being paranoid."

"Hermi-"

"Hey, girls!" yelled out a cheery voice from somewhere inside Ginny and Hermione's room.

"Fred... George!" yelled out Ginny happily. She was upset that she wouldn't be able to finish her conversation with Hermione but they would have time to do that later. Now her twin brothers had come to visit them and Ginny was not going to pass up the opportunity to see the twin brothers she rarely got to see nowadays.

"Hey Ginny and Hermione! How are you two?" asked Fred.

"We're fine but what are you two doing here? Aren't you guys suppose to be managing your joke shop?"

"Ah, don't worry about it," said George, "Our assistants can handle ONE day without us!"

"Yeah," piped Fred, "aren't you glad to see us?"

"Of course I am, but I didn't expect you two to show up!" she admitted.

"Oh, c'mon, like we were just gonna let you all go off to Hogwarts tomorrow without even saying goodbye!" exclaimed George with a clear look of hurt on his face.

"Mione! How have you been?" interrupted Fred, putting a stop to a possible argument between his two siblings.

"I've been good, Fred," answered Hermione in the happiest tone she could muster.

"That's great... well we've been missing you all. It sucks that we have no time to hang out that much anymore."

"Yeah, well, you two are busy with your shop so it's understandable," she answered pulling her sleeve back down out of habit and continuing to fold and pack her clothes.

Fred and George nodded, "Well... time to bother Ron!" they said in unison and disappeared.

Ginny laughed, "They're always the same, I love how they haven't changed one bit." She walked closer to Hermione. "You on the other hand... what's wrong? Hope you didn't think I'd forget this little conversation."

Hermione sighed. She knew she couldn't tell the truth, but she didn't want to lie. No, actually, she DID want to lie... it was hard to resist.

"I'm just stressed out about school, Ginny, I'm taking a lot of hard classes this year, you know?" She closed her trunk and set it down on the floor.

"Yeah, I guess I understand, you work yourself too hard, Mione, you need to relax a bit. You always have your head in a book, so maybe you should try just having fun once in a while - I mean, I know you think reading is fun, but an evening out with friends will do you good sometimes," replied Ginny smiling, "I know Ron would LOVE to take you out any day of the week!" She giggled.

Hermione laughed. Ron, she thought, he wouldn't notice her unless he needed help on homework or something. He didn't need her. No one did. No one cared. She was just a dirty nothing with book smarts that would take her nowhere to happiness. As a matter of fact, if he was ever to find out what was wrong with her, he'd probably never look at her again.

"Yeah, you're right!" answered Hermione, forcing out a laugh.

"Ginny! Come help me with dinner!" they heard Mrs. Weasley call from downstairs. Ginny groaned and gave Hermione a hug before rushing out of the room.

Hermione was all alone in Ginny's room once again. This was all too much for her. She had so many secrets she needed to hide all the time from now on. She wondered if she'd succeed in hiding them well without any problems or nosy people trying to pry. Ginny noticed something... finally... but she was easily brushed off. The brown-haired girl walked around the room and sat on the bed. What if it all got so bad that she wasn't able to hide it all? What if her mother's boyfriend killed her next time he saw her?

Yes, it was true. Hermione's parents had gotten divorced the year before and this summer Hermione's mother had gotten a new boyfriend who would beat her constantly while her mother went out. He had started living with them for weeks until Hermione went to the Burrow to get away from it all. She didn't even know why he did it. She had never done anything to him. It all started the night that Ms. Granger and her boyfriend had a fight and he left, just walked out of anger. Hermione's mom left soon after thinking she had made a mistake and set out to look for him. About an hour later, Hermione heard the doorbell ring and she answered it, happy that her mom's boyfriend, Robert, had decided to come home. He was pissed off and drunk. It was then that Hermione had her first taste of physical, emotional, and mental anguish.

Her mother loved Robert so much, so much, too much, that is why she hasn't said anything this whole time. How could she? How could someone tell their mother that the person she loves is evil and vicious? She's so obsessed that she probably wouldn't even believe Hermione!

"Mom, your boyfriend is an evil bastard who hits me and threatens to hurt you if I say anything about it! He kicks my ass and leaves me with bruises and cuts in places where no one can ever notice! He hurts me! He hurts me so much... but you love him!" She continued whispering to herself, "You love him! I can't say anything about it because first of all you probably won't believe me and second... you're so happy. I can't ruin that! I just can't!"

She heard a scratching at the door and gasped. Someone had heard her! The door pushed open and Hermione saw nothing at first but then an orange ball of fur popped in.

"Oh, Crookshanks!" she picked up her beloved cat and began to pet it," What am I going to do? I can't deal with all of this!" she whispered harshly to him, her emotions getting the better of her, "How can anyone dare look at me again! Oh, if they only knew what that asshole did to me! I tried, Shanks, I really did try!" She couldn't hold it in anymore. Her eyes exploded in a river of rage and depression. This was her life now. She was a cutter who had to deal with the fact that a guy named Robert had beat her constantly for what seemed like eternity and the second she tried to fight back... he raped her.

"How can I forget it ever happened?" she grabbed a pillow and screamed into it, muffling her pain. She flipped over and Crookshanks lept on top of her onto her chest and began to cuddle. She smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time and began to pet him softly. She stopped in order to lift her hand and pull down her sleeve. A series of cuts ran along her wrist and down to her elbow where her sleeve covered up whatever else could be there. She fingered the new scars on her arms. She had never really looked at herself since she started cutting and she enjoyed the markings on her skin. They were soothing and helped her cope with her new-found demons. It was going to be her and her blade from now on.. and no one else.

* * *

**Please Review**, it would definitely help me with my writing and inspire me to write faster and better.

Thanks for reading!


	2. Long Train Ride

**Disclaimer: **J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

**Hard to Resist**

_Chapter 2_

Long Train Ride

* * *

The next morning Hermione woke up early to make sure she didn't forget anything. She went through her mental checklist: wand, schoolbooks, robes, clothes, quills, parchment, Crookshanks' food, a picture of her parents, and of course, her blade. She went through it a few extra times to make sure she had everything. She needed to think of something, anything else, to keep her distracted from her evil thoughts and flashbacks. She would consume herself in trivial things that didn't matter or schoolwork. It was getting easier through time but she was starting to realize that even though she had spent 3 weeks with Harry, Ron, and Ginny in the same house she had barely spent any time with them. She was always excusing herself after dinner just like last night to "do homework" even though she had finished it way before she even got to the Burrow, or "write to her parents" which she simply couldn't do unless she wanted to cry her eyes out, and last night her excuse was to finish packing even though she was done by the time Fred and George popped in to say goodbye. Her friends would constantly try to get her to play a game or simply sit her down in the same room for more than 10 minutes, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't look at any of her friends for very long without feeling like she shouldn't be there. She didn't deserve to be there because if they only knew the truth about her, they would hate her. They would hate her for being weak, stupid, and dirty.

She was startled out of her thoughts by Ginny's sudden intake of breath as she rolled over in her bed and slowly opened her eyes.

"Good morning!" she whispered, sitting up.

"Hey, Gin," replied Hermione who was fully dressed and ready to leave.

"What are you doing up so early?" Ginny asked, "You couldn't sleep from the excitement?" She giggled.

Hermione realized it was partially true. She COULDN'T sleep but not from the excitement. She's been having horrible nightmares lately and once she woke up, she didn't necessarily want to fall asleep again.

"Yeah! Of course, I'm excited," she tried to say with enthusiasm. She hoped she faked it successfully.

Ginny smiled back at her. She didn't buy it one bit but she was not going to let Hermione know that. She'll try to talk to Harry and Ron on the train about the way Hermione has been acting. Surely they have noticed. She stood up to make her bed and get ready to leave.

* * *

A few doors down the hallway, Harry was having trouble waking Ron up.

"Ron! Ron! Get up or we're going to be late!" He nudged at him forcefully.

Ron mumbled something that sounded like "5 more minutes, mum" before falling back to his steady breathing and obnoxious snoring.

"Ron! Get UP!" Harry pushed him off the bed and Ron thudded onto the floor. He opened his eyes and looked sheepishly at Harry.

"Sorry, mate," he yawned, "I guess my body wanted one last day of rest for the summer. I'll never be able to wake up on time for class tomorrow."

Ron's best friend shook his head and laughed. He fixed his glasses since the effort of waking Ron up nearly knocked them off.

"Hurry, we need to get ready for the train or we're going to miss it and we all know how THAT ended up last time -" Harry was cut short when they heard yelling from downstairs.

"CHILDREN! ARE YOU ALL READY, YET? WE'RE LEAVING IN FIVE MINUTES!" Mrs. Weasley's voice was so perfect for yelling.

"Oh, bloody hell!" exclaimed Ron, "What time is it?" He asked as he put on whatever clothes he could find and ran to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"It's almost 10!" yelled out Harry as Ron ran out the door. He decided to use the time Ron was gone to change and fix his hair with his hands.

In the bathroom, Ron went to the toilet to pee. He lifted the seat and noticed some red spots. Was that blood? Who could have bled? He noticed the tiny spots ran from the toilet to the sink. Some were smeared and some were yellow. Whoever did this was in a hurry to clean up and missed a spot or so. Whatever it was didn't seem too bad, perhaps someone got a bloody nose or cut themselves accidentally. In this house, anything could happen so he continued getting ready until it was time to leave.

* * *

The Weasleys, Harry, and Hermione were in the train station with their fully loaded carts racing for platform 9 and 3/4. When they found it they ran into the portal and saw the Hogwarts express just a few minutes from leaving. Mr. and Mrs. Weasley quickly helped the children with their things and kissed them all goodbye. Mrs. Weasley was crying and waving goodbye once the train whistled and began to move.

Hermione was in front of Harry, Ron, and Ginny as they all searched for an empty compartment. Ginny took this time to poke Ron and Harry and slowly fall behind. They looked at her strangely and she gestured for them to slow down. Once she thought Hermione was out of earshot. She whispered that she needed to talk to them in private and that she would create a distraction for Hermione since the conversation was going to be about her. They nodded and turned back to face the front, they noticed Hermione walk into a compartment and followed her.

"Finally! They should make this train longer, it feels like it gets fuller every year," Ron complained.

"Ron, you know it always takes this long to find a good empty space!" replied Ginny, throwing a small bag into the shelf on top, "I'll be right back, I have to use the bathroom." Ginny disappeared out the door.

It was quiet for a moment between Hermione and the other two boys who stared at her as she stared out the window. She hasn't said anything. She would usually be talking about something by now like reading the paper and making comments or correcting something she was reading in one of her textbooks. Yup, something was definitely wrong with her.

* * *

Ginny was walking through the narrow corridor, searching for something to preoccupy Hermione for a few minutes. She bumped into Neville on his way back to his compartment from the bathroom.

"Neville!" she called for him.

"Hey, Ginny! How was your summer?" This kid seemed to grow a foot every summer. It was amazing.

"It was pretty good. I didn't do much," she began, "Can you do me a favor?"

"Uhhh.. sure. What is it?" he raised an eyebrow.

"I need you to distract Hermione for me for a bit."

"Why?"

"Harry, Ron, and I wanna talk about... getting her a present!"

"A present?"

"Yeah.. for you know... working hard during school.. and stuff. Just for being a cool friend. We rarely get to give her anything."

"You guys couldn't do this before?"

"Well I just thought of it this morning!"

"Oh, ok, how am I suppose to distract her?"

"Well, when I go back to the compartment I'm going to ask her to get me something from the sweet trolley and then you swoop in and talk to her, i guess, just come up with stuff, please?"

"Hmm.. all right."

"Thanks! Your the best!" She hugged him, her head barely touching his collar bone. She nearly ran back to her compartment.

Ginny stopped in front of the sliding door and sighed. She hoped this would work. She went inside and sat down. She looked at Ron and Harry and nodded, they made the slightest nod back. Hermione had barely moved from her position. Her biggest movement was her occasional sigh.

"Hermione?" asked Ginny.

"Hmm?" Hermione's head slowly turned to look at her.

"You all right?" asked Ron.

"Yeah... I'm just tired. Sorry, guys. I didn't get much sleep."

"Well, you know what helps?" asked Ginny.

Hermione shook her head.

"Getting some sweets!" Ginny told her, looking quickly at Harry.

Harry joined in, "Yeah, loads of sweets! A whole trolley-ful!" He reached into his pocket and gave Hermione a bag full of coins.

"I'm not in the mood for -" she started.

"Thanks, Hermione! You're the best! I want some Bernie Botts please!" Ron cut her off before she could say anything else.

"I'm craving chocolate!" added Ginny.

They all smiled at Hermione who stared at them. She was confused by their sudden craving.

"We can wait for the trolley to come to us," Hermione was about to sit down when Ginny lied down across the seat.

"But, Mione, she passed by a while ago. She probably won't come back for a while!"

"Please!" chimed in Ron and Harry.

"Oh... all right." She quietly left the compartment and looked for the tea trolley.

Once the door was shut, Ginny sat back up and looked at Harry and Ron. She didn't know where to start.

"Have you two noticed the way Hermione has been acting?"

Harry and Ron nodded. They knew something was wrong and it didn't seem like Hermione was going to fess up anything anytime soon.

"She's been acting rather strangely since she came to the Burrow," said Harry sadly.

"We don't know how long she's been acting like that, though, it could have been since summer started. Did she write you guys anything?" Ginny stared at them.

Harry and Ron furrowed their eyebrows together. They thought really hard.

"No, nothing out of the ordinary," breathed Ron. He sighed deeply.

"Maybe something happened at home?" questioned Ginny.

"Well, Hermione hasn't really said much about her home life since her parents got divorced last summer. She was down for a while but she seemed to have handled it pretty well." Harry muttered to them, "She seemed just fine until this summer."

"Something is definitely wrong with her. How are we going to get her to tell us?" inquired Ron.

"Listen, I have TRIED to ask her. I constantly ask her what is wrong. She always says school or some bloody crap that is obviously not true. Maybe you guys will have better luck. She probably trusts you more than she trusts me," Ginny grumbled, "since you've been friends longer."

"What should we do if she tells us the same crap she's been coming up with?" argued Harry.

"Then we're just going to have to keep an eye on her to make sure she doesn't do anything stupid," Ginny whispered hearing commotion outside.

They didn't realize they were all leaning closely to each other so when they heard the door sliding open they leaned back. Ron leaned back too fast and hit his head on the wall. He was rubbing it when Hermione came in with armfuls of candy.

"Here you all are," she announced dropping the candy next to Ginny, "sorry it took long, I ran into Neville."

"Thanks, Mione, you're the best!" They all hooted.

* * *

Hermione sat down once everyone grabbed their candy from her space. She grabbed a licorice wand and munched on it. There was still a long train ride to Hogwarts. She had to sit so closely to her friends, she felt them staring at her. She didn't pay any attention. She thought back to her strange encounter with Neville. He said the weirdest things like if he was being forced to talk to her. It took forever to shake him off. She didn't feel like talking to anyone so why couldn't people leave her alone? It's not like she was doing anything to hurt THEM... just herself. Her arms were itching for attention like always. She's been wearing a lot of long-sleeve shirts and remembered to only pack long-sleeved clothes. She couldn't let anyone worry about her. She wasn't worth saving so it didn't matter. She needed to find a way to hide and stop existing. Harry and Ginny were just wasting their time being her friend. Ron... he would never love her back anyway.

"Hermione!... Hermione!"

Hermione was broken out of her thoughts. She turned to look at Harry who was looking at her with concern. She looked back out the window. It was dark outside. Had they really arrived at Hogwarts already? She needed to learn to stop getting lost in her thoughts. If her grades started slipping because she couldn't concentrate, then people would start asking questions.

They unloaded their things and once they were inside the school, Hermione let Crookshanks out of his cage and then excused herself to go to the bathroom which was empty. How could one person change her life so drastically? The broken, brown-haired girl asked herself this as she made new fresh cuts along her left arm.

* * *

**Please Review**, it would definitely help me with my writing and inspire me to write faster and better.

Thanks for reading!


	3. Searching For Privacy

**Disclaimer: **J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

**Hard to Resist**

_Chapter 3_

Searching for Privacy

* * *

Several weeks later, Hermione had fallen into a routine at school. In the morning she would wake up, dress, brush her hair, and take her time to walk to Ancient Runes. She didn't need to bother too much with this class. She understood everything fairly well but she needed the distraction so she paid more attention to the professor than needed. The same for every class she had that did not have Harry or Ron in it. When it came to Defense Against the Dark Arts and Care of Magical Creatures, however, she would have to keep herself extra busy to make herself seem believable. She could feel the two pairs of eyes boring holes into every part of her. She would turn her back to them in order to ignore them but no matter what she did, she knew they were watching.

She needed to find a private place. Any place where no one would find her. Somewhere she could be with her blade and no one would ever know. She never had time by herself because someone was always watching her. Ginny would be constantly on her tail, if Ron and Harry weren't able to. Even the bathroom seemed like it was never empty anymore. There was always some girl checking her hair or giving herself a touch-up. Even the girl's bathroom on the second floor, which was deserted by living girls, had Moaning Myrtle in it. She couldn't risk the chance of getting caught cutting because then she would have to explain why and no one in the world would make her say it. She couldn't say it because... it never happened - it SHOULDN'T have happened. What would people think of her? What would her teachers think? What would Harry and Ginny say? Above all, what would Ron think?

But where could she go? She would sneak out of the dorm rooms late at night when she knew Ginny was asleep to go to one of the bathrooms. She didn't feel safe enough there, it wasn't private since any girl could just come in if she chose to. She needed some other place! But where?

Hermione thought and thought to the point where she forgot she was even in class and possibly missing some important information. It didn't matter to her, however, she needed a place to cut. She came up with a plan to go to the school library and look up maps of Hogwarts and find some room, any size that she could fit in, that no one else would dare look.

* * *

"All right, kids, I'll see you next time," said Hagrid as he dismissed his class.

Harry and Ron went to pick up their bags from the rocks they left them on. By the time they turned around to look back at Hermione, she was gone.

"Where did she go?" asked Ron.

"No idea, she must have ran back to school. Maybe she has a lot of homework." Harry replied looking around hoping he would spot her somewhere on the grounds.

Ron looked around frantically. She was a lot faster than he thought. Ever since Ginny had mentioned her odd behavior on the train he had been more observant with Hermione. He would try and follow her every move, every word, every sigh. Any flicker of something would catch his attention. If she talked or wrote something, he would know when and where. Afterall... he did love her. If she was in pain, he wanted to know but he didn't want to push her. If she wanted to be alone, he would respect her and he would be there at the drop of a hat if she wanted him to be. He had to admit to himself, though, that he was getting more and more worried with each second. Shouldn't she have said something by now? Was something really truly wrong that she wouldn't tell him or were he and his friends overreacting? All he knew was that it was killing him inside to see her so unlike herself. If he could just gain her trust and make her comfortable enough to talk perhaps she would tell him.

* * *

Hermione got up from the ground and ran the second she heard Hagrid dismiss the class. She noticed Ron and Harry turn towards the rocks where most of the students would pile up their bags and didn't miss out on the opportunity to disappear from their view. She clenched onto her bag to keep her books from falling out and by the time she reached the top of the hill she knew she was safe to do what she wanted without someone staring at her. She went upstairs knowing that Ginny would be going to the common room right now to wait for her return from class and then have a quiet conversation with Harry and Ron as to what happened with her today. She knew the library would be rather deserted since it was a weekend and no one was willing to do homework right after class ended on a weekend.

She opened the doors and looked around for the Hogwarts section. She found a couple of maps from when the school was first built and recent maps. Not much has changed. She stared at both of them trying to look for something, anything that would give her a hint. If the chamber of secrets was located here and not many people knew about it, surely she could find a small room that no one knew about. She did constantly hear rumors of secret doors and passageways appearing and disappearing all the time so it shouldn't be too hard.

* * *

Harry and Ron walked quickly to the common room to see if Hermione was there. She wasn't. Harry and Ron quickly went to change and when they came back to the common room they found Ginny waiting by the fireplace and they stared at each other, confused.

"Where's Hermione?" She questioned with significant worry. She had taken off her robes already and was in her casual clothes.

"We don't know, she disappeared after Creatures," answered her brother as he took off his robes.

"What? I thought you guys were keeping an eye on her?" she yelled out. The rest of the people looked at them strangely. Ginny cleared her throat while she pushed Harry and Ron outside the common room into the empty room full of staircases outside.

"Where could she have gone?" asked Ginny continuing the conversation.

"No clue, should we go look for her?" asked Harry, his eyebrows furrowed as he pondered the possible locations Hermione could have gone.

"Yeah, yeah, she's most likely in the library," perceived Ron as he began walking and leading the way.

* * *

She searched for what seemed like hours. Then something dawned on her. She was alone, she looked around and found that there were no students here. They must all be getting ready for dinner. This moment was her only chance to do what she had been craving for all day. She slowly reached into the pocket of her robes and found her blade. She hid her arms and hands under the table. She lifted up the sleeves to her robes and then the sleeves to the shirt she was wearing. She put the blade to her arm and began to make the familiar marks on her skin. She hissed at the pain but then allowed it to envelop her. All the thoughts about school or her friends or where to go or what to do immediately disappeared. She was lost in herself and it was amazing. She concentrated on nothing but the pain on her arm and she forgot who she even was. She peeked under the table slowly to see her blood flowing down her arms and she shuddered. It was beautiful to her, like it wasn't even her arm, it was art. This art made her happy because she made it, she controlled it.

Suddenly, she heard someone come in and close the door. She quickly put her blade away and covered up her arms with her sleeves, hoping the blood would not flow through. She put the maps and books about Hogwarts into a neat pile. She opened up her Ancient Ruins book and put her head down as if she was reading it, all the while looking out of the corner of her eye to see who it was.

"I can't believe I'm gonna skip dinner for this," she heard someone say.

* * *

Ginny, Ron, and Harry were on their way to the library when Ms. McGonagall stopped them.

"What are you kids doing over here?"

"We're just -" began Ginny.

"I don't want to hear it. It's almost dinner and I'm sure you haven't washed up, go back, back to the common room!" she tutted at them and made sweeping motions with her bands.

"But-" started Harry.

"No BUTS! Dinner... go get clean. You're growing children and I won't have you skipping dinner!"

They knew not to mess with her and get detention because then none of them would be able to keep an eye on Hermione.

"We're looking for Hermione!" yelled out Ron as McGonagall kept shooing them away.

"Miss Granger is a big girl and she can take care of herself!"

Ginny, Ron, and Harry knew McGonagall would most likely stay there in that hallways until dinner to make sure they weren't sneaking off somewhere else. They had no choice but to go back to the common room and hope Hermione was there by now.

* * *

Hermione felt the blood flowing to her wrist so she quickly lifted her arms and held her forehead with one hand and her ear with another so the blood would flow back towards her elbows and not to her fingertips which were harder to hide. Who was here?

"What are you reading, Granger?"

The voice coming from behind her nearly gave her a heart attack! What the bloody hell kind of a greeting was that? There was only one person who said her last name is that tone. She turned around and glared at him.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" she spat at him. She wanted to be left alone! She was having fun and he always had to go and ruin it. Why? Out of all the people in the world to walk into the library, why did it have to be this guy?

Malfoy looked at her and the books she had piled next to her. Everything was about Hogwarts. Were her and her friends up to something again? If they were, he would have to found out what it was. He liked getting them into trouble. It was an adrenaline rush to know he accomplished ruining their fun.

"What are you reading?" The slick-haired boy asked again.

"Ancient Runes, Malfoy, you know?... A class you wouldn't know anything about," stated Hermione. She needed to keep her cool and act like she usually acted towards him. Out of all the people in the school, she knew he was the one that would never let her live it down if he found out her secrets. He'd be making fun of her for the rest of her life.

* * *

Harry, Ron, and Ginny arrived back at the common room with no signs of Hermione. They sighed deeply.

"Let's get ready for dinner, Hermione will probably join us there," grumbled Ginny, unable to do anything else.

The three went to wash their hands and walked with Neville and a few other Gryffindors down to the Great Hall in time for dinner.

Everyone began eating as the food showed up but the three kept their eyes on the door waiting for Hermione to walk through it.

Dumbledore then stood up and got everyone's attention.

"I have an important announcement," he bellowed, "Now don't everyone get all rowdy when I say it. Ms. McGonagall has informed me that the sooner I tell you the better, that way you have time to prepare. Not that you have much time left anyway because I just thought of this a few days ago."

The students were getting antsy with what the announcement was going to be. Dumbledore liked to drag things out like this and the more he explained himself the more the students started getting excited over what it could be.

"There's two weeks left until Halloween," he announced with a more booming voice since the children had started talking amongst themselves and nearly drowned him out, "and as we all know there's always a feast during Halloween but I wanted to make it a little more special this year."

* * *

"Ancient Runes?" repeated Malfoy. He laughed, "You're right, Granger, I could care less for that subject."

Hermione faked one of her smiles at him. He looked at her closely and tried to examine the rest of her things.

"What are you doing here?" Hermione hissed from the pain on her arm.

Malfoy looked at her pained expression. Was she hurt? Not that he really cared. But something was iffy. He could sense it.

Hermione looked up at him and stared into his eyes. Malfoy was taken aback by them. They were full of pain. Deep pain, he could tell, he never looked at her much before but right now it was as if he wasn't looking at Hermione Granger anymore.

* * *

**Please Review**, it would definitely help me with my writing and inspire me to write faster and better.

Just for the sake of my story, let's pretend it doesn't take place in any of the books. It is just a story and I'm not trying to be chronologically correct or anything. Also let's just pretend Hermione is in the fifth year and Fred and George gave up on school and the end of their last year and decided to open up their joke shop and not come back this year. The Triwizard tournament never took place so Harry isn't feeling all guilty and whatnot that Voldemort is back or that Cedric is dead. This story is soley based on a "what if?" question and is meant to be focused on Hermione and her troubles.

Thanks for reading! I hope you like it so far.


	4. A Different Kind of Relief

**Disclaimer: **J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

**Hard to Resist**

_Chapter 4  
_

A Different Kind of Relief

* * *

The room filled with excitement. A little more special? What did Dumbledore mean? What was he going to do? The suspense was killing all the students. They knew he was dragging it out just to mess with them. What was going to make the Halloween feast more special?

Ron kept looking back towards the large doors at the end of the room. He couldn't wait for Hermione to come back. He was getting so worried that it took all his power not to just get up and look for her. He hoped she was all right, wherever she was... No, he was sure she was all right. She had to be.

Harry looked at his friend after staring at Dumbledore and waiting for the big surprise to be told. Whatever it was, it seemed like Dumbledore was going to milk it for all it was worth so there was no use in waiting. Harry noticed Ron had not taken his eyes off the doors since dinner started. He knew his best friend was really worried about her and he could tell right away that he even loved Hermione as more than a friend. To state the truth he was really worried about her also but he figured she just needed time to herself.

"Ron?" asked the Boy-Who-Lived, trying to get his attention.

Ron stared at the doors some more. He didn't even notice Harry. It was hard to hear anything when he was drowning out all the voices that were talking quickly in the room wondering what Dumbledore was trying to say.

"Ron?" He tried again.

"Yeah?" Ron replied quickly not even turning his head to look at Harry. He was concentrated on those doors. They WERE going to move and someone WAS going to come through them and that someone WAS going to be her. It just had to be.

"Please..." willed Ron, "Come on, Mione."

Harry realized that Ron's lips were moving but he couldn't hear what he was saying or telling himself but he had an idea as to what it was.

Harry touched Ron's shoulder and reassured him that it was all right.

"She's fine," he appeased, "if she doesn't come to dinner now I'm sure she'll be in the common room when we get back."

Ron finally turned to look at his friend. He exhaled sharply not even realizing that he was holding his breath for while. He nodded at him and they both continued to eat.

* * *

Malfoy continued to stare into Hermione's eyes as if he kept misreading something in a book. She looked away once she saw his confused expression. Had she given something away? She felt the blood - HER blood - start to slow down and she knew she needed to wash up before she went back to the common room. Right now would be a good time since she knew everyone was at dinner and the bathrooms would be empty.

Draco walked around the table so he was across from her. He started to take out his parchment from his bag. Hermione nearly panicked from her thoughts. What was he doing? He wasn't really going to sit next to her, was he?

"Granger, is there something wrong?" he finally asked, not really caring. He was simply trying a new approach in order to get answers.

"No," she speedily replied in a high-pitched voice that was caused by the burning sensation on her arm. She desperately wanted to latch onto it and nurse it, perhaps she had cut too deeply, but she did not want to give Malfoy any hints about her secrets.

"Then you wouldn't mind if I sat here and wrote my already overdue paper," Draco commanded.

"What's wrong with any other table?" she nearly pleaded as her breathing was getting noticeably faster.

"Nothing, I just want to keep you company," he smiled at her confused face so he continued, "because I know you and your friends are up to something again, and I'm going to figure out what it is. Now, why are all these maps here? Is there something hidden in the school again?"

Hermione couldn't believe him. She was dumbfounded by his assumptions but at least it was better than him finding her out. She shook her head at him and managed to let a genuine giggle escape from her lips.

"Malfoy, there's nothing going on, you can relax."

Malfoy leaned in closer to her and the closer he got to her the more she pulled away. She was very uncomfortable around him and he liked it. He enjoyed intimidating people and being sickeningly sweet to her right now was working. This was a curve ball compared to how their usual conversations go so it gave him a rush in a whole different way.

"C'mon, there's no one else here, just tell me what's going on," he closed his eyes and nodded as if waiting for her to say the answer.

"There's nothing going on, Malfoy," she answered angrily. Why was he pressing her? She began to pack her belongings making sure to use her good arm.

"Goodbye!" she announced with venom in her voice, running out the library in a flash.

Malfoy stared at Hermione's form as she sprinted out of the library. He sighed, afraid he would never find out her secret.

"It's all right though," he thought to himself," I'll just follow her and her friends like I always do. So much for faking being nice."

He noticed he was still leaning forward and when he leaned back onto his chair he accidentally brushed his quill off the table with his elbow.

"Crap," he whispered to no one in particular. Where did it go? He looked in the area by his chair and then under the table. It had fallen close to Hermione's seat. He sighed and got up to go around the table. He moved Hermione's former seat and knelt down, but when he grasped onto his quill he noticed something else on the floor. There were red drops, they were fresh.

"Blood?" he asked himself. He looked back at the library doors. Was Granger bleeding? Is that why she seemed like she was in pain?

"What an idiot, she must have cut herself with all these papers," He laughed and got up to continue his work.

* * *

Hermione practically ran out into the hallway and rushed to the bathroom. It was empty, just like she hoped it would be. She lifted up her left arm and pulled the sleeves to reveal the damage she had done. There was a deep cut that ran from the middle of her forearm to her elbow and there were smaller cuts around it that weren't too bad. She turned the faucet on and let the cool water wash the blood away. She grimaced at the pain and breathed in deeply.

"Stupid, Malfoy, always thinking he knows everything! He has no idea! No one does..." She inhaled slowly once again, "I'd never hear the end of it if he found out."

She continued to run the cut under the water. It began to turn numb and soon she was too absorbed in her thoughts that she did not feel her cuts anymore.

She was so glad none of her friends have confronted her about her strange behavior. She knew it was only a matter of time but she had no idea what she would tell them. She wouldn't tell them the truth, but she couldn't lie. They couldn't know either way so she was going to have to... lie. She wasn't a bad liar but she didn't know if she could lie to her friends. She could imagine it now:

_"Hermione, you've been acting weird? What's wrong?" asked Ron with eyes that struggled to hold onto tears._

_"Nothing is wrong, Ron."_

_"You haven't been yourself, Mione! You've been avoiding us and you haven't talked about anything that you have learned this year or have corrected me about something i said for months."_

_"I'm just busy."_

_"Bullshit, Mione! You're lying. You're a liar," Ron's eyes suddenly turned red with fury at her lies._

_"I'm not... lying." She whispered, tears brimming her eyes._

_"I can't believe you're LYING to me! I KNOW there's something wrong!" Ron growled._

_"I'm sorry!" She yelled. The water droplets at the corner of her eyes streamed down her weary face._

_"You're pathetic! I thought we were friends!" He bellowed. He walked past her but she grabbed his arm to stop him. He yanked it away from her and looked away in disgust. "Don't fucking touch me," he whispered with obvious anger in his voice._

Hermione felt herself on the verge of a breakdown as she thought of the possibilities. She knew she had to deny EVERYTHING they suspected about. There was no way she could even begin to tell them the truth. The dirty, ugly truth. She couldn't have them hating her or even feeling sorry for her. She just wished they would treat her like nothing was wrong like they used to try when she lived at the burrow but she knew the longer she wasn't herself the more they would treat her like a different person. It was hell. She was stuck between hiding her secret and dealing with it by herself the rest of her life and eventually losing touch with her friends since she was sure they did not want to deal with some secretive, depressed, and moody friend or just losing their amazing friendship by having them know her secret and having them stay only because of pity.

Before she knew it, she was inching closer and closer to one of the bathroom stalls and the tears threatened to betray her eyes. She couldn't hold it in any longer. She closed the stall door behind her and kicked the toilet. She cried for the next several minutes and lost herself in her tears, it was a different kind of relief from what she was used to, but she released her feelings all the same.

* * *

Dumbledore figured he had let his silence go on long enough, "A Halloween Dance!"

The entire hall burst into cheers. Ron did not pay much attention.

"A DANCE! I'm so excited!" yelled out Lavender.

"I wonder what I'm going to wear!" squealed Parvarti.

No wonder Ms. McGonagall forced them to go to dinner. She figured they would not want to miss an announcement like this. The room began emptying as girls began making plans to head to Hogsmeade to look for dresses and shoes. Ron got up to head over to the common room to see if Hermione had gotten back yet. He figured he should ask her to the dance. Harry and Ginny got up quickly to follow him out into the hall.

Harry, Ron, and Ginny briskly walked back to the common room. There was no sign of Hermione, yet. Ron was getting especially worried. He didn't care about Hermione coming to him anymore, he was going to her.

"I'm going to go look for her," he told.

Ginny and Harry understood his strong need to find her. They felt the same way. They couldn't help but think she was in great trouble at the moment.

He was about to head back out when the door swung open and the most beautiful girl in the world walked in.

"Hermione!" Ron gasped in surprise.

"Hey, guys!" she piped, "I'm sorry I missed dinner. I had some work to do in the library."

Ginny and Harry were surprised at her sudden energy. They haven't seen her like this in a long time.

"We were so worried about you, Mione!" exclaimed Ginny.

Hermione laughed. She wasn't sure if it was sincere or not. The cutting she did in the library and the nice long cry she let herself have in the bathroom made her feel lighter. It gave her a new found energy and attitude. She knew it wouldn't last long however since her thoughts were bound to slowly come back to weigh her down again. She figured, however, that she would use this to help get her friends off her back temporarily. She needed to find herself again around them.

"Awww, sorry about that, you guys shouldn't worry about me. I'm just a busy girl, it really gets to me sometimes." Hermione moved towards the fireplace and sat down, facing away from them.

Ginny looked at Harry and Ron like she just saw a ghost. The two boys had similar expressions on their face. Ginny gestured for Ron to talk to Hermione. She grabbed Harry's arm and motioned to Ron that they were going to leave. This would give Ron and Hermione some time alone.

"Well," Ginny began, "I have some stuff I need to mail Mom and Dad. Harry can you come with me to the owl room?" She began heading for the door.

"Sure," Harry nearly yelled out to make sure Ron and Hermione heard. He followed Ginny out the door.

Ron went to sit next to Hermione and cleared his throat. He didn't know why she made him so nervous.

Hermione nearly forgot how to breathe as Ron sat down next to her. She tried not to let it phase her but he was just so close to her. She could reach out and touch him, let him hold her, kiss him slowly...

"Did you hear about the Halloween Dance?" Ron interrupted her first wonderful daydream in forever.

"Wha-? Uh.. no, guess not," she replied as she tried to compose herself again. She had not fantasized about Ron since the beginning of the summer. That was all they were ever going to be, though. She was no longer a virgin and Ron did not deserve a girl like her.

Ron's mouth felt really dry. He couldn't believe he couldn't talk to her all of a sudden. She looked so gorgeous just sitting there next to him. He wished he could kiss her. He wanted to take her hand but thought maybe he should just ask and not make it more intense than it already was.

"Well..." He shuffled in his seat to get more comfortable, "Well, I was wondering if you would like to go to the dance with me?"

Hermione froze. There was a terror in her eyes that Ron did not understand. He was not sure what she was thinking. Did she really not like him enough to go? He felt his heart sink and looked away. Should he apologize for asking her this? They were just friends after all. Why did he have to go and ruin that?

She felt the cuts on her arms throb. She tried to ignore them because the red-headed boy next to her just asked her to a dance! What was she suppose to respond? Yes! Yes! Of course I will go with you, she thought. How could someone like him ask someone like her to a dance? He just did not know how much better he could do.

"I... I... I don't know, Ron." She felt tears well up in her eyes. It was for the best, she could not, SHOULD not go.

* * *

**Please Review**.

I'm so sorry it has taken me forever to update this story. I definitely have NOT forgotten about it and I'm planning to finish it during my winter break. I remember when I first started reading fanfiction several years ago, nothing made me happier than sitting at my computer with some hot chocolate and a blanket as I read countless stories a day, so I want to be a part of that for you guys.

Anyway hope you like it so far and some reviews would definitely help me. Thanks for reading!


	5. The Kiss

**Disclaimer: **J.K Rowling owns it all. I have no claim over any of her characters.

**Hard to Resist**

_Chapter 5  
_

The Kiss

* * *

Ron had no idea what to do. What didn't she know? He felt extremely nervous and sad all of a sudden. He felt like he was losing her and needed to save their friendship before it was too late.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Hermione." Ron noticed that she now looked confused, "I should have known you would never go out with me." He got up to walk away and sulk on his bed, but he felt a soft hand touch his. He looked back at the person who stopped him.

Hermione could not believe he thought that she did not want him! If he only knew! She noticed he was trying to walk away and without thinking reached out to grab his hand. She nearly scared herself doing it since she thought she would never want to willingly touch a guy since the incident.

"It's not that, Ron. I just never thought you would ask me. I don't want anything to change between us from this. I'll go with you as a friend, but if some other girl asks you I want you to go with her instead, all right?" Hermione stared into his eyes and tried her best to hide any pain she was feeling. She could, however, clearly see the pain in his.

"I just want to go with you, though." Ron stared back and sat back down on the couch slowly.

"Just as friends then," said Hermione with the biggest smile she had given in months.

Ron nodded. He did it! He's going to the dance with Hermione! Sure it was only as friends, but it was okay. He'll make sure it was the best night ever! That way... she could fall in love with him.

* * *

The days slowly passed by and Hermione was feeling better about herself, much to her amazement. She was going to the dance with the one person in the world she ever even wanted to dance with! She was ecstatic and looking forward to it, but in the back of her mind she could not help but think about how Ron deserved someone better. He could be dancing with someone much prettier, cleaner, and stronger.

Hermione shook her head to get rid of the bad thoughts. She went back to scribbling the notes down for her Ancient Runes class and listening to everything the professor was saying. She slowly slipped back to thoughts of Ron, though. She remembered that yesterday Ginny came up to squeal to her that she saw Ron selling some of his little things in order to make more money to buy some nice dress robes in order to impress her. Hermione could not believe that Ron would sell some of his wizard's chess pieces and his stash of chocolate frog cards just for her! She was not worth it!

This time Hermione was ripped out of her thoughts when she overhead Lavender Brown talking to Pavarti Patil.

"I asked Ron to the dance," whispered Lavender.

They were sitting right behind Hermione, once she heard Ron's name being mentioned she tuned in some more, completely ignoring the professor's words and aiming all her focus on their conversation.

Pavarti gasped, "What did he say?"

"Well, he was reluctant at first but then..." Lavender began whispering so low that Hermione could not hear the rest of her story. She panicked, what could Lavender have done? And what did "reluctant at first" mean? Hermione could feel the old familiar thoughts and feelings come rushing back. She should have known Ron would go out with someone else if he had the chance! Why would he want to go out with someone as ugly and disgusting as her?

Hermione noticed that people were getting up to leave. She packed her things into her bag and walked out towards the dormitory so she could take a nap. She was suddenly very tired. She passed by Lavender and Pavarti unaware that Lavender had said, "but it turns out Ron is going with someone else, I wish I knew who she was. I almost feel bad for kissing him like that..."

Once the depressed, brown-haired girl had arrived to the Gryffindor dormitory she went to her bed and struggled to fall asleep. She woke up a few hours later and decided to go downstairs to talk to Ron about Lavender and the dance. She found him talking to Harry by the fireplace. She walked over and sat down with them. Apparently, Snape was giving Harry a hard time in potions and sending him to detention all the time. Ron was using all sorts of bad words to curse Snape, which seemed to cheer Harry up.

* * *

Ron had collapsed onto the couch in the Gryffindor common room after being exhausted by the day's events. He could not believe Lavender Brown had kissed him in an attempt to get him to go to the dance with her! It was completely unexpected, he had no idea that she even knew he existed. He did not care though, all that mattered to him was that Hermione knew he existed since she's the only girl that existed to him.

_It was right after Defense Against the Dark Arts when Lavender decided to ask him to follow her. He went with her because it was hard for him to say no to a person, especially a girl. He gulped and tried to hide the nerves that ensued at her request. He reluctantly followed her to a hallway that was rarely used and gently led him into an abandoned corridor. Each step he took made him more and more nervous. He had no idea what was on her mind. She finally stopped and leaned against the wall, tucked her hair back and let out a huge sigh. He stood by the opposite wall, too scared to relax enough to lean against it. She opened her mouth to say something and then closed it again. It felt like hours rather than seconds since she finally spoke._

_"I guess you're wondering why I brought you all the way over here," Lavender whispered. She wasn't looking at Ron because she was so nervous. She felt that if she looked him in the eye, she would run away from fear of saying something stupid._

_"Yeah..." Ron squeaked, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and repeated, "Yeah, I am."_

_"Well, the Halloween Dance is happening in 10 days and I was wondering if you would like to go with me?" She voiced._

_Ron was amazed. He never thought a girl would ever ask him to a dance. He even pictured himself asking dozens of girls and getting a rejection in reply, but now Lavender Brown was standing in front of him asking him! He couldn't help but smile from it all. He liked her last year, he thought she was pretty, but he soon realized she wasn't the one because she wasn't Hermione._

_Lavender looked up at Ron's face after she asked her question. He looked really serious and lost in thought for a second, it made her frown. Why wouldn't he go with her? It is not like he had a date yet, everyone in the school knew who was still available and who was not. Besides, last year her friends told her about the rumors that Ron had a crush on her, so why would he reject her? She suddenly noticed his face light up and she smiled. He wasn't looking at her but she assumed it was a yes and grabbed him. She hugged him and crushed her lips against his. She did not know when she became so bold, perhaps it was from all the happy emotions that were flooding through her._

_Ron had no idea what to do. He did not want to be mean and push her off him, but he did not want to kiss her either. He waited for her to pull away. Lavender slowly backed up, a mixture of emotions upon her face. She knew her lips were on his yet he did not bother to deepen the kiss. It was confusing._

_It was just a peck, he told himself. It wasn't a real kiss, he wanted Hermione to be his first. He stared back at Lavender and shook his head._

_"I'm sorry, Lavender, but I'm going with someone else to the dance." He said._

_Lavender was crushed, he couldn't stand hurting the poor girl. He looked down._

_"Who is it, Ron?" She demanded._

_"I can't tell you, but let's just say she is my first and only pick," he whispered back. He put her hands in his and waited for her to look at him, "Are you all right?"_

_Lavender was moved by his sudden show of concern. She smiled at him and nodded, "Yeah, I'm OK. Whoever she is, she's really lucky."_

_After that Ron had to run to the next class, he was late but he didn't care. Harry motioned to him and mouthed to him asking where he was. Ron motioned back that he would tell him later. He went through the rest of the class deep in thought._

He looked at the fireplace and was startled by someone plopping themselves next to him.

"Hey, Ron," Harry smiled, taking a sip of the drink he had in his hand.

"Hey," Ron replied half-heartedly.

"What happened today? Why were you late today?" Harry questioned. He studied his best friend's face.

"Lavender asked me to the dance after Dark Arts," Ron muttered.

"Really? But you're going with Hermione," Harry noted.

"Yes, I know, but no one else besides you and Ginny know that. I told her no and said I was going with someone else," Ron sighed.

"Oh... that's good then," Harry took another sip from his drink. He didn't understand why Ron seemed so down. He was going to the dance with the girl he loved and a different girl asked him to the dance. He should be feeling flattered and ecstatic.

"She kissed me, mate," Ron blurted out, causing Harry to nearly choke on his drink.

"WHAT?" Harry exclaimed in astonishment, wiping his face with his sleeve.

"Yup, planted one right on me," Ron stared at the floor. He was still amazed by it but he was feeling extremely guilty by it too. He wanted to tell Hermione, but at the same time he thought she wouldn't care. If anything she would tell him to just go with Lavender. He kept forgetting that just because Hermione agreed to go to the dance with him, it didn't mean they were now together. She agreed to go but only as friends, yet he felt like he just cheated on her.

"What did you do?" Harry asked. He hoped Ron didn't say he kissed her back.

"I stood there, I was frozen, confused, something like that," Ron explained to his friend.

Harry registered his best friend's words. He couldn't believe it, "You mean you didn't try to pull away?"

"How could I? I didn't even know what was going on! It's not like we made out, I just didn't kiss her back and I guess she must have felt it because she pulled away and she seemed really disappointed. So obviously she knew it wasn't a real kiss, right?" Ron began to ramble.

Harry started getting confused by Ron's question. Why would it matter if she thought it was a real kiss or not?

"I mean it's not like girl's go around telling each other they kissed someone, unless the guy kisses them back, which I did not." Ron told himself.

Harry understood now, Ron was afraid Hermione would find out about the kiss and get angry. Then they would have one of their infamous arguments and the tension would once again be unbelievable like it always is a couple of times a year.

"This is horrible," Ron moaned, "If Hermione finds out about this, my relationship with her would be over before it's even begun."

Harry sighed and put a hand on Ron's shoulder, "It's OK, mate. You just explain yourself to Hermione if you think you need to. Just tell her exactly what happened, you know Hermione is practically the last girl in school to believe in gossip."

Ron put his face in his hands. "You're right, Harry," he said.

Harry chugged the rest of his drink. Ron proceeded to change the subject by asking him why Harry was late in coming to the common room. Harry began his tale of the terrible things Snape says to him under his breath in class. Ron never gets to hear because he sits in the front while Harry sat across the room. Snape couldn't stand having them sit together so he put them as far apart as possible.

"Why that stupid idiot, how can he say something like that to you?" Ron sided with Harry, as always.

Harry laughed at Ron's choice of words. He suddenly felt someone sit next to him. He turned slowly to see who wanted to join in on bashing Snape when he realized this person had brown hair and looked just like Hermione. He stopped laughing and stared at her. Her eyes looked like they did last week, before the dance. All empty and void of happiness. He put his hand on Ron's shoulder again and patted it, passing along as much luck as he could before his friend got devoured alive.

"Hey, Hermione, it's nice to see you but I have to go to the library to write an essay Snape assigned especially for me," Harry said. With that, he quickly got up to leave.

Ron felt his heart drop when he stared into Hermione's eyes. They looked like they did before when she couldn't stand being in the same room with him. He wanted so badly to put her face in his hand and explain everything to him. He now understood how guilt can drive a man crazy. He opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by Hermione putting up her hand to silence him before he even said anything. She then just shook her head at him for what felt like an eternity. He noticed tears well up at the corners of her eyes. An overwhelming urge to hold her ensued yet he couldn't move from fear of setting her off. The second he looked down to collect his thoughts, he heard her speak.

"How could you?"

* * *

**Don't forget to REVIEW! **The more people review, the stronger the inspiration comes to put new chapters up faster! I know I sort of left a little cliffhanger here and I'm really excited to continue. I'm even impressing myself with how this story is turning out. Thanks to all those that have reviewed so far. It's greatly appreciated.


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